"Within Animated Faery Pictures My Lily Discovers Rainbows or Drawings of Scorpions"

She dances within animated faery pictures, laced with rainbows. And yet...my damsel is sometimes in distress,drawings of scorpions, those grim reaper drawings, haunt us both.This is a rewrite of the poem below... I started thinking maybe it seemed too dismal and it was never really intended to end on that note.

"Within Animated Faery Pictures My Lily Discovers Rainbows or Drawings of Scorpions"


Lily is my inner child.
She dances within animated faery pictures
laced with rainbows.
She beacons a light hearted soul
sometimes found in me.
Lily...
that's what I've named her.
I think of her as someone separate
from me
my solace
my pretend
celtic design tattoos of creativity.
We often sit together
sipping tea
seeking magic
faries and mermaids color pages.
We keep leaves in our pockets
and baby roses at our table.

And yet...
my damsel is sometimes in distress
drawings of scorpions
those grim reaper drawings
haunt us both.

Sometimes
I think of her alone
worried
regretting... always
cold
lonely
fearful
growing older
not pretty anymore
abandoned by creativity
ignored
insignificant
inadequate
seeking out, but not finding validation
never measuring up
still struggling despite her efforts to achieve
sitting on the side of the road
with a cup.
Ahh yes my Lily of drama!

Lily is all the things I fear and more.

So that I might have compassion for the Lily 'in me',

I think of Lily...
her fears
and try to cheer her up!
What are friends for?

She does not need to feel so alone
I am here to help her.

I try to remind her,
that yes!
It IS possible to stand inside a rainbow
that leaves on trees
and baby roses
are tokens that she is worthy of my friendship.
And I sing songs to her
with lyrics that say
she is capable
and can overcome the things she frets about.

Oft times we care for others
more than our our own selves
and forget we exist at all.

I try to give Lily an out, a new road
instead of the same road,
that includes sadness
or whatever I feel causes me or Lily to falter.

Thus I refer to Lily a lot in things I write,
animated faery pictures I guess.
Sometimes Lily falls
and I do too
drawings of scorpions
outshine the possibility of angels.
But...
the more I decide to love me back
love Lily
the warmer we both are.

Name your inner child too, humm?
Offer that side of you a name
and then embrace it
step right 'inside' that rainbow.

Aloha from Lily... and me.

19 September 2008
Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
copyright 2008

The image is of my painting, "Circus" 36x48 oil on canvas

I am represented by Monkdogz Urban Art in New York:


http://monkdogz.com/chelseagallery/artistart/Magnusen/artist_magnusen.htm

Don't forget my house if for sale in Hawaii:

http://www.kathysart.blogspot.com

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Check out one of my great Squidoo lenses: Hawaiian Travel|Hawaiian Fun Food- some of my quirky ideas of what can make a trip to Hawaii more interesting.
http://www.squidoo.com/hawaiianartprints/

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Grim Reaper Drawings and Childhood Mentors in the Doorway

Grim Reaper Drawings and Childhood Mentors in the Doorway

He said she'd sing in the dark
grim reaper drawings
pasted in a notebook
hearing voices...
and I believed him.

I believed in her.

I pinned up her picture as my muse.
I played her music
even though there was no sound.

I held her picture
only for seconds at a time
because it seemed to be burning.

My blanket made of smoke
this reaper
to me the greater sacrifice
to you a cover from the dark.

Such a pitiful dress now
isn't it?
Bonds to wounds
too thin to be called healthy.

I stole their weapons once
grim reaper drawings
clowns of decent
jesters.
I captured what I thought was their goodness.
It was not of course
twas only a white horse arriving in the doorway
greeted by everyones laughter.

Don't sacrifice till you are sure of the outcome.
Don't make any pledges
just for now
OK?
It may not be hopeless
but at the very least
we will know enough to mark the trail.

I will not shy away from such tragedies
heartaches made informal
dismissed
no matter how poignant.
Such a woeful thing
being set on the shelf
in a room made empty.

Gather all the masks then
I will not hold it against you.
I will only wash the napkins as you use them.

This meal
this monster you seem to mentor
will post the earliest retreat
pin reminders on the wall
to hide the children in the closet.

Innocence being the easiest to defeat
hopefully someday
someone
will unwrap the colors
and let them out to feel the rain again.

I will line up all my little paintings
grim reaper drawings
set them in a row and wait.
I will hold a seance
despite a child's objection:
"I am not dead as yet
please keep my vigil sacred
do not swallow the key
lest someone drown
and forget from where I call."

by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
27 April 2007