Grim Reaper Drawings and Childhood Mentors in the Doorway

Grim Reaper Drawings and Childhood Mentors in the Doorway

He said she'd sing in the dark
grim reaper drawings
pasted in a notebook
hearing voices...
and I believed him.

I believed in her.

I pinned up her picture as my muse.
I played her music
even though there was no sound.

I held her picture
only for seconds at a time
because it seemed to be burning.

My blanket made of smoke
this reaper
to me the greater sacrifice
to you a cover from the dark.

Such a pitiful dress now
isn't it?
Bonds to wounds
too thin to be called healthy.

I stole their weapons once
grim reaper drawings
clowns of decent
jesters.
I captured what I thought was their goodness.
It was not of course
twas only a white horse arriving in the doorway
greeted by everyones laughter.

Don't sacrifice till you are sure of the outcome.
Don't make any pledges
just for now
OK?
It may not be hopeless
but at the very least
we will know enough to mark the trail.

I will not shy away from such tragedies
heartaches made informal
dismissed
no matter how poignant.
Such a woeful thing
being set on the shelf
in a room made empty.

Gather all the masks then
I will not hold it against you.
I will only wash the napkins as you use them.

This meal
this monster you seem to mentor
will post the earliest retreat
pin reminders on the wall
to hide the children in the closet.

Innocence being the easiest to defeat
hopefully someday
someone
will unwrap the colors
and let them out to feel the rain again.

I will line up all my little paintings
grim reaper drawings
set them in a row and wait.
I will hold a seance
despite a child's objection:
"I am not dead as yet
please keep my vigil sacred
do not swallow the key
lest someone drown
and forget from where I call."

by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
27 April 2007