"Clowns Wearing Red Painted Smiles - Still Sorting Things Out"

It has been in those alone times,
when the sun has met my skin,
refreshed my heart,
with its well mannered glow,
that I have felt my own worth.

The moon has been a friend
and foe.
I dare not decipher which,
because in every prism,
there are too many mysteries to know.
I dare not let that define me.

Late at night,
when I wake up,
I try to feel my being,
know my own breath,
lest I get lost,
in all those blinding concerns,
again,
that I cannot seem to cure.
No, I cannot cure me.

Pages and pages,
lines of text,
I write to bless my own soul,
and oh...
I get lost all over,
again,
reflecting.

What agendas I explore?
I fold up in little pieces,
rip them up when I feel empty,
lick up tears,
swallow too hard,
pull my own hair,
close my eyes,
hoping later...
I will forgive me.

Who wants to prop up sad clowns?
It's scary.
I cannot know their motives.

Later on in the day,
I will paint white on me,
smear on a bright red smile,
feel empty,
maybe hopeless,
alone,
again.

Ahh sun!
Where the heck are you?
Sorry for my neglect.
I forgot about worshipping stars,
covered over for now,
by your bloody light.
Cover my eyes,
lest I become blinded
or much worse...
accepting.

Touch my skin then
will you?
Remind me about later,
later when I am hearing me breathe?
Night clowns,
stars out,
wearing red painted smiles.

30 July 2008
by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
copyright 2008

The image is a detail of one of my paintings from my "Neon Blue" - "Wild Side" series. I have this whole saga about Neon Blue somewhere within this blog.
Wild Side Series, Neon's Obsession
http://kathysartcom.blogspot.com/