"Clowns Wearing Red Painted Smiles - Still Sorting Things Out"

It has been in those alone times,
when the sun has met my skin,
refreshed my heart,
with its well mannered glow,
that I have felt my own worth.

The moon has been a friend
and foe.
I dare not decipher which,
because in every prism,
there are too many mysteries to know.
I dare not let that define me.

Late at night,
when I wake up,
I try to feel my being,
know my own breath,
lest I get lost,
in all those blinding concerns,
again,
that I cannot seem to cure.
No, I cannot cure me.

Pages and pages,
lines of text,
I write to bless my own soul,
and oh...
I get lost all over,
again,
reflecting.

What agendas I explore?
I fold up in little pieces,
rip them up when I feel empty,
lick up tears,
swallow too hard,
pull my own hair,
close my eyes,
hoping later...
I will forgive me.

Who wants to prop up sad clowns?
It's scary.
I cannot know their motives.

Later on in the day,
I will paint white on me,
smear on a bright red smile,
feel empty,
maybe hopeless,
alone,
again.

Ahh sun!
Where the heck are you?
Sorry for my neglect.
I forgot about worshipping stars,
covered over for now,
by your bloody light.
Cover my eyes,
lest I become blinded
or much worse...
accepting.

Touch my skin then
will you?
Remind me about later,
later when I am hearing me breathe?
Night clowns,
stars out,
wearing red painted smiles.

30 July 2008
by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen
copyright 2008

The image is a detail of one of my paintings from my "Neon Blue" - "Wild Side" series. I have this whole saga about Neon Blue somewhere within this blog.
Wild Side Series, Neon's Obsession
http://kathysartcom.blogspot.com/

"Fairies Along the Way - I Wanted to Capture Them and Make Them Mine"

"Fairies Along the Way - I Wanted to Capture Them and Make Them Mine"

Fairies along the way
I heard their trembling
beautiful goddesses.

I spied those angelic beings
whimsical angel drawings
within a flower formed from music.
I wanted to capture them
embrace their souls
make them mine.
So I slipped into their light
late at night
when I hoped they would be sleeping.

There within a petal
in an art fantasy space
alas
I awakened a tender soul
gentle despite my intrusion.
"I WANT' you!
I want you because I need magic
and because you feel things deeply
that you will explain please."

Lovely little star of mine
stood as tall as she could
rubbing her eyes
leaning in with her ears
and whispered with the scent of a white orchid,

"I may not be all you think
I make mistakes.
I am guessing
yes I think
there is a difference between you and me
it does not include our size
our wings or lack of them
it is that one holds out for hope
one forgives her steps
one of us is human
and it is not you."

Whimsical angel
Goddess of Spring
she climbed to the tip of my fingers
and began to sing.

"I won't apologize for getting off centered at times
feeling too much
crying
laughing too loud
worrying
holding things in jars for later reflection.
I won't apologize for weeping
tears that come from nowhere
seemingly to you.
I treasure
the side of those emotions
that say no
and entangle me with objections.
Never say
don't feel so much
or to be comfortable with the dull
days without edges
Zelda would be sleeping
and never have painted ever.
To cry is also to smile later
and to embrace a faery of the night."

Since my angelic angel
my creature of the largest measure
leapt from my hand
on to The Silver Strand
I have since concluded
emotions
storms that befall me
despite their turbulence
have never felt softer.

16 July 2008
Kathy Ostman-Magnusen

Painting above is: "Embrace"(They're Friends You Know) 24x48 oil, gold leaf on canvas
by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen

~~*~~